From the age of 10-16, I was beaten and raped by mother’s boyfriend every time she left me alone with him. When my mother found out, she didn’t go to police or leave him – she actually blamed me for ‘having an affair’ with him. He told her that I had seduced him and she believed his version of events.
She stopped going to her meetings and didn’t leave me alone with him again and that was to be the end of the matter, but of course it wasn’t as he would always find ways to get me alone. There was no point in asking my mother for help as she had made it obvious whose side she was on.
My 7yr old brother and I were subjected to the most horrible abuse and all the while were made to act as if nothing was happening to the outside world. My heart literally broke the day I found out that I was not the only one being sexually abused by this monster – he was hurting my baby brother too.
As well as the beatings and, our precious pets were murdered in front of us to keep us in line. All the while my mother stood back and let this happen. If on the odd occasion she did intervene she would end up with the beating herself.
When I was around 12 years old my mother walked in on him attempting to rape me. The door suddenly burst open and my mother stormed into the room asking what the hell was going on. He jumped of me and was stuttering and trying to wriggle his way out of the blame. My mother carried me like a baby into my room and told it me it would be ok now. But it wasn’t ok and she still didn’t leave him, even though she clearly heard me screaming and saw me struggling to get away – she still didn’t think that he was trying to force himself onto me. If she did, she just buried it deep inside as she obviously loved him a lot more than she ever loved me. He had told me once that she never really wanted me, only my brother. I believed every word as that was certainly the way it seemed to be
.
Not long after this incident, my mother married the monster and he legally became my stepfather. I couldn’t believe that after all that had happened, she would marry this man. It was like a slap in the face and confirmation of a mother’s love that was missing from this woman.
When I was 16, my stepfather decided that I needed to learn to drive and he was going to teach me. I was terrified and no way did I want to be alone in car with him. To my dismay my mother made me go. The first time I didn’t get to drive, he told me to get out and raped me on the side of the road. He then threatened to shoot me and my family if I told anyone. I had to go out again the next day and had planned my escape. When he told me to get out I would run and find someone to help me – only he put the kiddy locks on and I couldn’t open the door. I was trapped.
A few days later I told my mum and an aunt and my aunt pressured mum to take me to press charges – which I did. Not that it helped much, as he got away with a lesser charge of sex with a minor in his care. No rape or sexual abuse charges at all. I would spend the next 30yrs trying to get that overturned and have him convicted of rape and I finally did it in February of this year. It took a long time and a lot of rejection, but it was worth it to finally put him behind bars where he belongs.
Through it all, I knew if I could just survive and make it to adulthood I would be ok. In the back of my mind I always knew that I was strong and that one day I would escape this hellhole and make a life for myself. I just needed to survive until I was old enough to get away and live on my own. I refused to let them break me. I also wanted to take my brother with me, though I knew this wouldn’t be easy.
I would zone out when a lot of the bad stuff was happening and pretend it was happening to someone else – my alter ego, Lauren. I invented her to help me survive all the pain. My plan was to live long enough to escape and then make a life for myself and my brother and I achieved that – at least until the day I lost my precious brother in a car accident at the age of 19.
These days I am doing ok. I am now a 47 year old woman with 4 beautiful children and a man that loves me very much. I have achieved the majority of the goals I had set for myself and my children are happy and well cared for. It took me a long time to get to this point, but I always knew I could do it. I fought hard against the legal system to get my stepfather convicted even after untold setbacks, I never gave up. I fought hard to build a decent life for myself. I no longer have anything to do with my so-called parents and only surround myself with the people I actually want in my life. It is possible to still have a normal life after you have been through the horrors that I have. I am proof of that. You always have hope and hope is a very powerful thing. Always know that whatever they put your body through, they can never take your soul. You can survive and you can be happy once you heal – and you can heal. It is your life, not theirs and once you break away, you can do anything and go anywhere. Your life is what you make it – it is not determined by your childhood.
-Gladys Quintal
http://thedreamseries-
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